Identity Crisis 101

Kellda
Kellda

Tome wrote a post a few days back alluding to self-image and our perceptions of our Azerothian characters. Then, on Mother’s Day weekend my mom posted an photograph of me and my sisters from my ancient past. I almost wrote she posted an “old” picture of me, but it’s the opposite of that –it’s a young picture of me. Kind of a paradox I suppose — there’s a riddle in there somewhere: “What looks younger the older it grows?” Many possible answers to that one, but in this case the Sphinx says a Polaroid.

I am in a weird creative place right now, but not in a bad way, just a “way” way. I love words like “doldrum,” that come from nautical terms: its first meaning is a period of listlessness, and its origins are the part of the ocean near the equator abounding in calms, squalls, and light shifting winds. That is the perfect word now: break apart “listless:” List. Less. I have no list. I am less one list. And equator: equal – calms, calming, and light shifting winds: something blows weakly one way, and then doesn’t gain enough momentum to sweep anything away or cleanse thoroughly before it shifts the weathervane the other direction. I just feel all lumpy. Last CD Rogue accused me of not being demonstrative (*sigh*) and he’s right. How do you convince someone after knowing them for so long that it’s the truth when you tell them it’s really isn’t them, it’s you? No, not getting personal or revealing anything of big import. Today I told him he wasn’t allowed downstairs while I putter around my exposed “office.” I am so mean. I guess being an ambivert means it’s hard for those around me to know when I’m leaning toward my introvert side of the dial. Maybe I should make a sign and prop it up outside of my work area saying, “Caution: Introversion Meter Running High. Do Not Expect Social Discourse. Engage at Your Own Risk.”

Do you know what does help the doldrums? Knowing that a lot of my poor play performance was in fact due to a very old computer. I was in the mud at about 3-12 FPS most days, and now I’m at 60-90+. Yes, yes it does make a difference. I still need to practice the fights on my more geared character, and there are other factors involved, but at least I know my computer isn’t one of them.*

Double Life
Double Life

Know what else I like? I like so many of the ways Blizz has made play  accessible for me, the player, the player with so many alts. I told Navi the other day I moved Escarlata so that character could have access to bags, gold, and supplies. I lost her name, which saddens me greatly, but she’s now on Dentarg with access to Wigs & Pens and all that entails. I have a small project in mind to find actresses that would match my characters if I ever cast them in my personal mind-movie. Escarlata (now Scarlletta) is an obvious find:

Audrey Tautou would play Scarlet before the fall, before the death, and risen from the grave.

Audrey Tautou as Escarlata
Audrey Tautou as Escarlata

scar

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Those light winds that tease the sails will sometime fulfill their taunts and actually send me somewhere. In the meantime, I have friends like Dahahka sending me funny squirrel images:

I do this all the time.
I do this all the time.

 

 

*theme song: 99 Problems

 

 

 

 

6 thoughts on “Identity Crisis 101”

  1. OMG! My daughter did that to me on Mother’s Day, she posted an old young picture of us on FB. And then she got artsy and made it black and while giving people the impression THERE WAS NO COLOR photography in my youth, lol.

    Being that I’m always in introversion mode I think I will adopt the habit of always answering with interpretive dance. I’ll try it out on my husband but since he’s more of an introvert than me it might be some time before he speaks but I’ll be ready!

  2. That squirrel makes me laugh!
    I was worried at first when you left thinking I had offended you somehow. And then I read what you wrote and now I’m thinking OMG I should have sent you gold and bags… and then i thought more an thought, no that’s not what she wanted me to do. I think. I think I’m overthinking it.

    And that’s a young pic of you? Gosh, you look just like when I met you at Blizzcon :) Except now your hair is darker…

    1. Navi, the fact that you said that made me feel over the moon! Thank you! It’s not quite true, but that’s how I feel on the inside anyway :) Don’t feel give it a second thought – I wish Blizz made ALL of our characters account bound, no matter the server or the faction. I still contend it’s one player, one account, and it shouldn’t matter. I’m sure there’s some issue with account hacks, etc., but for the average player it’s damn annoying not to have access to the things we accumulate or need. I want to be part of Frostwolves, so I have a few more trolls and forsaken hanging around! :) You can thank Dahahka for the squirrel – my new philosophy! What’s that you say? Here’s my interpretative dance!

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