Gift horse.

I ask for impossible things for gifts from those who love me. I ask for toilet seats down, kitchen faucets replaced, and clutter annihilated. I also ask for — guidance in WoW, because I do so happen to know a few ‘leet’ players, in game and out.

Now, one of my promised holiday gifts is some guidance with Zeptepi’s Shadow Priest-iness. I briefly considered going Holy/Disc with her recently, but seriously, can’t quit you shadow spec. Its visual appeal is simply too gorgeous: so what if I did like, oh, 4.5K in a dungeon a few weeks ago? She looked damned good doing it.

But, dear friends, you know me by now, and I am not satisfied with being carried, at least not too much. I do like to pay my fair share of the tab and leave a good tip, and having a ‘vanity specialization,’ which is what I now dub my Shadow Spec, is vain and silly. Hence, the request for some help and advice on this very complicated and fascinating class.

Zep cuts through the bull with Elder Tauros. She’s a Capricorn herself.

Well, help is not available in real life right now, and that is just fine. So, to the INTERNET! (Yes, I have been without Internet for five days now, and am still camped at the local Starbucks, eyelids twitching from the caffeine, and a bladder full of Verona drip.)

Fox Van Allen is one of my favorite writers on WoW Insider, and this post from a year ago sums up a lot: Spiritual Guide: Shadow Priest 101.

This is a wonderful little guide, and when I get a chance to write my post on a real life thing, (must do from home computer–this “little laptop that could” just can’t handle all the awesomeness), I will show you why I think it’s great.

There is a subtext, though, that I couldn’t miss:

Difficult to perfect Shadow priests use a number of damage-over-time spells, and managing them all can be exceptionally difficult for a beginning player. The more you practice, the better you’ll get, though only a small, select handful will truly achieve shadow priesting greatness.

In other words, don’t expect to be great at this. Just give up now. Remember the pendejo priest who was so rude to my beautiful, intelligent, brave tank Luperci? Damn, now I can’t remember his name to look him up. But, figured if I tried, it would ring a bell, so I searched “Best Shadow Priests on Whisperwind” and guess what? He’s not listed:

Realm Rank Player Guild World Score
1 Paskgotheals Rocket Surgery 100.0
2 Vivir Wanderers 99.9
3 Mystabella Disgruntled 99.8
4 Sadystik Fidelis 99.8
5 Priestpipe Carpé Lootem 99.7
6 Euph Victory or Whatever 99.6
7 Ámina Minds Eye 99.5
8 Jeevs Action Nine News 99.5
9 Zariaa Order of the Ebon Hand 99.4
10 Martooni FortyTwo 99.4
11 Vavra Alpha 99.3
12 Wolfbáne We Ignite at Night 99.3
13 Ariann Prevail 99.2
14 Toobad Yahtzee Party 99.1
15 Udersnohealu Legion of Blood 99.1
16 Yuliana Action Nine News 99.0
17 Ashkatja Alpha 99.0
18 Lukki Covenant of Crows 98.9
19 Lyriah Disgruntled 98.9
20 Settesh Something Wicked 98.8
21 Maruko The Cuppy Cakes 98.8
22 Aelvin Rocket Surgery 98.7
23 Methanar Alpha 98.7
24 Vivos Rocket Surgery 98.7
25 Sunova Darker Intentions 98.7

So, should I just give up now, and tromp around in my shadowy sexiness, without doing much damage? Is it good to be bad? (Oh, yes.) Am I just too sexy for my spec? Possibly.

Throwing this out there:

If you have one piece of advice on Shadow Priest, not the normal MaxDPS, or Add-On, but one thing you know from experience, that would be a wonderful gift. Don’t even want the receipt.

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