OLRG: Beach Blanket Bingo Edition

Waiting for Ik

Waiting for Ik

Mataoka’s current assignment is waiting for Ik-Ik in a damp, drippy cave that smells of monkey poo and banana farts in Dread Wastes, just so she can get her Hozen Beach Ball, which comes with Coppertone and a frozen margarita. It’s the last home stretch before summer time, and like a horse racing to the barn, or shaman relegated to NPC duty, patience has grown thin. I just got an e-mail late last night with the information I was waiting for regarding my personal schedule on Saturday: I will be home but late afternoon/early evening, so around 5 or 5:30 my  time. If that’s enough time to at least get a little bit of the 10-man heroic things done let me know – I’ll pop on and see who’s there. If you need to go and live your own life in your own time zone I completely understand. Now, I’m off to go buy some air freshener. Monkey farts stink.

What did we learn on the show tonight, Craig?


Did you know that you can accidentally click on the key from the jailor during Thok and not know it, and have 24 other people yelling at you looking for the “lost” key? No?

Did you know you’re supposed to alternate runs if you get fixated and your attempts to take the dinosaur away from the raid that went perfectly one time will cause the 9th wipe and have everyone yelling at you more? Even though everyone else was part of the wipes 1-7, not your fault, but God help you if you cause 8 & 9? No?

Did you know that using the term “slut”* as in “slut walk” as a joke is not funny to people? No, it’s really not funny, and I usually don’t ever use that term, but instead of being ‘slut shamed’ I got “language shamed” in raid chat. No?

Did you know that I am pretty smart and learn from mistakes? No?


Did you know the people still love me anyway, and want to play with me, and don’t think I’m such a noob? They know that I have a lot going on in real life, and know that Azeroth is still and just a game, and are still my friends? I KNOW, RIGHT?

Yes. All true.

To know me is to love me.

Hey, is this NPC named for Clarice/Jody Foster's character from Silence of the Lambs? You probably already knew that.
Hey, is this NPC named for Clarice/Jody Foster’s character from Silence of the Lambs? You probably already knew that.


*Hey, I am not about slut shaming anyone, and sorry my joke wasn’t understood.  I do feel bad about that one, even if it was meant to be ironic.




Look, I have no business being here or in Azeroth right now. I took a much needed mental-health day (don’t think that’s a thing? Don’t believe me? The Internets say so, so it must be true.) and this quick question just popped into my head: Are there things that are unique to your specific class/race/specialization that are not on any WoW Insider or Icy Veins, etc., sort of “tip” information?

Example: I really need to knock-out Mataoka’s rep with the Drunken Fish so she can start to finish her reputations for both the Beloved title, as well as the guild achievement. Reluctantly, (and I’m not sure why) I dragged my mouse and clicked on her character. Off she when to say hello to Ordos for the 459th time, and on her merry way she stopped to pick the flowers and Sprites (yes, picking their little mean eyeballs right out of their heads) and ‘she’ accidentally popped her wolves. Not one to waste a good spirit wolf, she immediately attacked a mob of one over on a grassy knoll, quietly picking flowers or looking at ant hills (what are those Yaungol doing anyway when they are kneeling down in the grass? Tying pretend shoes? Looking for a lost contact lens?) Lost-contact-shoe-tying Yaungol done, wolves happy and fed, and onto Ordos. No loot, of course, because RNGs forbid she get a treat for her time.

So yes, Enhancement shamans sometimes pop wolves by mistake but try to not let them go to waste. What things do your characters do that are off the ‘books?’


fuuzzzzzeeee wuzzzzeee
New Zealand, we’ve talked about this. Time and time again between the sexually active mid-life crisis penguins, the Hobbits, sexy rugby dudes, and having your own personal warlock, now you co-opt facial hair ads, too? Is there no end to the abject coolness of your little piece of the third rock from the sun?    That’s fine. The mammalian-faced hirsute gentleman distracted me from an otherwise kind-of-in-a-funk day. But hope is near: Navimie whispered me with a great idea this afternoon, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet. (Hint: Foreshadowing. Deal with it.) It’s not like it’s been a slow news week or anything either. There has been some great writing happening out there. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know what’s wrong with Mataoka though. I’ve just got a lack of sunlight. She’s got a dearth of Dwarfs. That must be it. She subconsciously made me stop at this photo of the hairy dude and sigh heavily. She could really use a night of drinking and carousing with Dwarfs. Keep that marmot on your face, and pass on the shaving cream!

Let’s not get started on the glow worm caves:


When this song comes on the radio I play it very loudly and look around to see if anyone is making fun of the old lady rocking out in the green pick-up truck, and then I turn it up louder:


Seattle style

Forgive me, I am at my wit’s end. I am sitting here in cub’s room while I act like an aggressive momma bear. It’s a long story but I have time to try to post something in this blog while he wrangles through missing algebra and AP European history assignments. I was supposed to go to a flex tonight but he needs me more. So I am playing around with my iPad and took this screen shot of my newest hunter, and sure enough she is wearing almost the same style shoes that I just bought, some green Keens. We, my fellow bloggers and I have often talked about our real life fashion sense or lack thereof, and though my tummy showing days are over (big cubs come with a physical price) I do wear similar things to my Azerothian counterparts. Blue jeans, red linen kimono style shirts, green shoes, tote bags and purses full of spells, off hands (what do you think my cell phone is?) and a plethora of trinkets and jewels. All fake of course, just like the Azerothian ones. It is often said the Seattlelites are some of the worst dressed. Anywhere. But I would just like to say that we are eccentric or quirky. We’re built for speed and dodging raindrops. And Keieli, where can I get those shoes?


OLRG: We got this…(and this is going to be a long one)

Sno-cone anyone?
Sno-cone anyone?


Dear Blizzard: I realize this is very low on your to-do list, what with the time machine you’re building and all (did you contact H.P. Lovecraft? He might be able to give you some tips.), but if possible, could you please go back to old content and “fix” it? Many of your players are restless, so restless in fact that some of your star players and fans are now permanently off the team. And no, I’m not talking about Landon Donovan. (Sheesh, what drama! What a story! And I don’t even follow soccer…why don’t I pay attention to the world?)

Here’s what we want:

1. Old content is accessible by any character who is higher than level – meaning if I bring my paladin who’s never been to ICC she can stroll in at heroic or normal.

2. Make it cross-faction. Hearing Tyledres sigh because my stupid OLRG are mostly Alliance and not Horde is breaking my heart. Hey, a Death Knight is a Death Knight. Arthas didn’t see faction or race when choosing his undead legion, so why should Blizzard? That actually is a pretty good idea: make Death Knights cross-faction.

Scarlletta and Matty hanging at the AH
Scarlletta and Matty hanging at the AH

3. Change the loot: if it’s moggable (why do I feel annoyed by making up words this morning?), then let the rolls roll, baby. Lupe ended up with a pretty mace and sword yesterday. If there is one thing that fail tank has got going on, it’s that she is a looker.


Mataoka of the Awesomesauce 

Okay – onward. Tome and I first ventured in and then our buddies joined us, and we had no issues. Thanks to one and all for joining us, and Navi – one rule of OLRG is we never self-denegrate. We do not look at item level, gear, dps/heals, ever. It’s like going out with a bunch of friends for appetizers and cocktails. What a buzzkill if someone said, “Those potato skins have 500 calories! Don’t enjoy them! Stop laughing! You’re showing the bacon bits in your teeth!” (Actually CD Rogue’s mother used to do that all the time: we’d be at a family dinner at a nice restaurant and she would look over what I ordered and tell me how fatty it was. Fun.) We didn’t the Full House achieve because of player error: mine. I didn’t read the directions and went blazing in and killed all the adds. Duh! It was cool to get a refresher course on Ice Crown, and I don’t see any issues with cleaning up those ten-man achieves. The only one that may be is a numbers game with Portal Jockey, and I know we’ll have to do two runs to do the vampire lady biting one. You know what was on last night? Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, a truly awesome movie. I would like to read the book sometime, but my book club keeps choosing things more akin to an Oprah book club. Okay – random – back on task.


I will confess that our run yesterday cleared up some…annoyances? I saw a hunter putting together a Flex group for SoO 1, and since Sajja still can’t get her off-hand, I offered to heal. On the last boss, Sha of Pride (dialogue is brilliant in this fight: the blame game, arrogance, those inner voices we all have manifested in a game), we began to wipe, and the priest healer told everyone to dispel. I said that players could only dispel if they had the Gift of the Titans. They disagreed. I said at least that was my experience on normal, to which the priest said HEROIC. Not worth arguing about, (why is it every time you say you’re not arguing, but just offering insight, people say you’re arguing when they simply do not agree with you?) I said hey, no problem, look it up when you have a chance, and let’s move on. I’ll do it your way. But they couldn’t let it go. I was called a scrub, and then I left the group, and the druid healer felt compelled to whisper me and inform me ‘your so bad.’ Due to my own pit-bull nature, I looked up the link about dispels in that fight, and send a courteous letter to the 12-year-old behind the computer screen, saying for his future reference (he had wanted us to mass dispel, and even the priest told him that was a bad idea) he might want to know this mechanic. Since I am fairly certain most of the group is illiterate, my spell of knowledge will fall flat. Story of my life. But on a walk, I pondered with CD Rogue why is it those minor slings and arrows sting us the most? Why is it difficult to keep things in perspective? Why does what a mean little shit whisper to me piss me off, or even an older mean little shit? My mom says I am a classic “right -fighter,” and she has a point. I need to learn that when I’m right, that’s enough.

Never did get my bloody off-hand cricket cage. Thanks Blizzard. *Eye roll.*

OH BUT YES – Old Ladies: I do love you. Now that Lupe is able to do the heroic version, let’s get back in there and knock a few of those achieves out. 


It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Body language, tone, and context is everything. One of my side projects includes listening to error speech. Far and away, Forsaken females are a testy lot, coming a close second are Draenei females. Night Elf and Blood Elf females always sound fairly calm in the clutch. Here are two unedited examples, taken during my field research:

And my Night Elf hunter, Keilei:


When we briefly get to meet in a suitable time-zone, Navi and I both lament about our current lack of writing inspiration. I really enjoy sites that discuss writing and the writing process in detail, and I even posted on my own professional blog recently.

Some sites that help:
Writers write: http://writerswrite.co.za/10-amazingly-simple-tips-to-get-you-back-on-the-writing-track

Writing Prompts That Don’t Suck: http://awesomewritingprompts.tumblr.com


Oh, and of course, Tumblr overall is grand fun. It’s not a distraction, it’s endorphins!

Sometimes you just need to get out of your routine, get a fresh perspective, and don’t worry. Just write.

And remember, only boring people get bored:

OLRG: In Memoriam of Arthas Edition


Curdle my Whey, baby
Curdle my Whey, baby

Tirion Fordring stopped by this morning and told me, nay demanded, that I and the OLRGs presence were needed at Ice Crown. (Wait, you didn’t know that? He’s my milkman. You thought he met a terrible fate, but nope, brings me 2% milk, eggs, jalapeño cream cheese spread, Vashon Island coffee, and cinnamon rolls every Thursday morning. Sometimes I get saucy and put lemon pound cake and banana bread on the order. Whatever.) He said that it seems that there are a few unachieved achievements that need achieving.  So ladies, and gentlemen, sharpen your Ashbringer, and hopefully will see you Saturday afternoon around 3-ish. Let me know how you take your coffee and I’ll add some cream, too. I like hazelnut or French vanilla.

So let’s go.

PS Why I made Tirion my milkman I have no clue. I must have needed some odd juxtaposition. But this morning I forgot to put out my recycle carry-in bags and found that my milkman had replaced all three of them, with the handles placed out of the milk bins to show the delivery had been made, and he cares enough about me to replace forgotten tote bags. If that’s not a paladin of a milkman, I don’t know what is.


On my side.


If I had written the post I wanted to at 4AM this morning, I would probably be locked out of Azeroth. I was hoppin’ mad. If I went through the list of personal (egregious) observations, you would all tell me the same conclusion I came to: let it go. (Forever ruined by effing Disney. Forever. Now I’m mad all over again.) But in all seriousness, some shit just isn’t worth it. Let’s just stick to the positive, shall we? The entire 25-man was DOA during Sha of Pride, but because I committed the unholy sin of soul-stoning myself, I was able to resuscitate myself and hit it just a little bit more, along with two other players. I know there were one or two more players alive, because they congratulated themselves for saving the fight. Some players had connection issues, so there was about a 15-20 minute wait for them, so unfortunately we didn’t get to the one dude I needed (was planning on using last token for sword, and I lost on a roll for the one item I needed, a ring, since both my rings are still 528). And wouldn’t you know because I didn’t bring my shaman, every cool piece of shammy gear dropped, from spirit to agility, so I could have upgraded Mataoka’s sets. Oh well. That’s how the RNGs roll. I wonder what would happen, however, if RNGs controlled players’ behaviors and attitudes? Almost too scary to think about.

I contend our best ‘luck’ comes from our friendships. I owe Turk big time for giving me his “extra” Ruby Droplet. Nothing extra about that beauty. I camped by the upstairs lake for days, and he felt pity for me I guess. Or perhaps our friendship is worth more than fake AH gold. Regardless, I owe him one. I also owe Erinys for this great idea – an Azerothian Time Machine. Ah, lovely fantasy. And I owe Hawt for her patience and friendship once again.

But note to self: next time I get to tag along, and CD Rogue comes home and it’s a beautiful spring evening, and he offers to go for a walk, I’ll probably go for that walk instead of waiting for Internet connections, etc. At least my ass won’t get any bigger, and I won’t be thinking about big assess at 4am.

Mr. Snerguls here: dat dame is damn confusin, ya know? Sorry for the obfuscation and dodgy text. She was tired, all I can say.

RTMT: Unsolved Azerothian Mysteries

baby eyes

Today’s Random Tuesday Morning Thought is brought to you courtesy of “Overthinking” and “WUT?” But no one cares about that right now – there’s a big ol’ patch going on right now. It would seem the revisions affect the ease of LFRs, and folks are going to be able to get upgrades galore. I’m sure everyone’s off reading those important things, excitement building, because for any and every patch from here on out, that’s one step closer to the big expansion. I’m not ready.

This post was originally for Breige, who asks, like Tome, why is it some monsters have pockets, and yet some do not? Pockets that produce change and hard candy, and yet others don’t even have lint? No one knows. No one knows why how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, or why with my 550+ geared destro lock I come in 7th on DPS in a Flex. No one knows.

Well, I need to get all scientific up in there, folks. Let’s see. I have’t reforged in awhile. At a critical moment CD Rogue kept sending me texts about his adventures with a lost UPS package. The dog starts whining, doing a potty dance. I was trying to listen and focus on a new strat (I had done Flex earlier in the week with the same character, and did fine–last night not so much), and there is this constant nagging feeling that I am forgetting my ‘homework.’ All the time. That I didn’t read some e-mail, or respond to some question, or am about to miss a meeting, or didn’t read my book for book club. Neo asks me to sign up for as many raids as I can, and I realized this morning I have book club on Wednesday (we’re reading Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown – my book clubbers love it; I’ve been skipping the rowing parts to get to the love story bits). Regardless, I’ve come to the other realization that I am not elite during new ideas. It takes me awhile to absorb a new concept, work with a new group, and adjust. It’s got to be hard to players who’ve played together for a while not to get a little tense or frustrated with [read: shitty] players like me. We almost one-shotted Garrosh, but while I desperately tried to interrupt with my demon’s Licking Spell of Mighty Halitosis, didn’t quite cut it.

And now it’s time for me to fly away again. Later, haters.

Is it summer yet?



Hang on Lupe…


This weekend was weird, and I am having a “weirdness” hangover. Except for the OLRG, the past 48-hours frittered and flew unfocused, the weather was odd–glaring sunny one moment, torrential downpour the next; and as far as moving through the nitty-gritty life list my brain took off with the mental car keys out for a pack of cigarettes and I haven’t seen it since. Now it’s just after 7AM and I’ll be careening to work in a bit–didn’t sleep well, had weird dreams (I was staying with Paul McCartney and other friends, I think George Clooney was there, too, and had to bed hop because Paul McCartney or George Clooney wanted the king-sized bed, and there was rain coming in the window, and women’s razors in one bed. Note to self: no more pirogues before bedtime.) It took a herculean effort to get up this morning, and I’m still frazzled. The point of this was not to write about Jungian imagery of razors and leading men and left-handed bass players, but to note that Luperci has some pretty amazing gear. I decided to run Ordos for the heck of it last night though she had no free rolls, and she received some nice pants. I looked over her gear and she has many nice pieces. She is one point shy of item level 525 in fact. I miss that little tank, and keep threatening unbeknownst to the rest of Azeroth, to bring her out of retirement. There is always a goody bag for tanks, and everyone needs tanks. But it is a big responsibility, and as gorgeous as she is, not sure she can sustain dazzling them with her good looks indefinitely. (Trust me Lupe, I know.) So Hawt, if you’re reading this, and you want to help a rookie just say the word sometime and we’ll hang out on Vent, and you can help me. As many videos or tips one can read, there is nothing that replaces a good coach and real-time experience. As long as you leave “that mage” out of it, we’ll be good to go. I have only been protection with Lupe, except for a brief interlude with Holy, which is also lovely. I have terrible damage and retribution is awkward for me. The spells for paladins are all in varying shades of gold, so that’s a bit confusing for me. Chartreuse gold to gleaming gold – don’t know if I’m turning evil or blinding them in the light. But I know where my taunt spell is, and that is a start.