Tome wrote a post a few days back alluding to self-image and our perceptions of our Azerothian characters. Then, on Mother’s Day weekend my mom posted an photograph of me and my sisters from my ancient past. I almost wrote she posted an “old” picture of me, but it’s the opposite of that –it’s a young picture of me. Kind of a paradox I suppose — there’s a riddle in there somewhere: “What looks younger the older it grows?” Many possible answers to that one, but in this case the Sphinx says a Polaroid.
I am in a weird creative place right now, but not in a bad way, just a “way” way. I love words like “doldrum,” that come from nautical terms: its first meaning is a period of listlessness, and its origins are the part of the ocean near the equator abounding in calms, squalls, and light shifting winds. That is the perfect word now: break apart “listless:” List. Less. I have no list. I am less one list. And equator: equal – calms, calming, and light shifting winds: something blows weakly one way, and then doesn’t gain enough momentum to sweep anything away or cleanse thoroughly before it shifts the weathervane the other direction. I just feel all lumpy. Last CD Rogue accused me of not being demonstrative (*sigh*) and he’s right. How do you convince someone after knowing them for so long that it’s the truth when you tell them it’s really isn’t them, it’s you? No, not getting personal or revealing anything of big import. Today I told him he wasn’t allowed downstairs while I putter around my exposed “office.” I am so mean. I guess being an ambivert means it’s hard for those around me to know when I’m leaning toward my introvert side of the dial. Maybe I should make a sign and prop it up outside of my work area saying, “Caution: Introversion Meter Running High. Do Not Expect Social Discourse. Engage at Your Own Risk.”
Do you know what does help the doldrums? Knowing that a lot of my poor play performance was in fact due to a very old computer. I was in the mud at about 3-12 FPS most days, and now I’m at 60-90+. Yes, yes it does make a difference. I still need to practice the fights on my more geared character, and there are other factors involved, but at least I know my computer isn’t one of them.*
Know what else I like? I like so many of the ways Blizz has made play accessible for me, the player, the player with so many alts. I told Navi the other day I moved Escarlata so that character could have access to bags, gold, and supplies. I lost her name, which saddens me greatly, but she’s now on Dentarg with access to Wigs & Pens and all that entails. I have a small project in mind to find actresses that would match my characters if I ever cast them in my personal mind-movie. Escarlata (now Scarlletta) is an obvious find:
Audrey Tautou would play Scarlet before the fall, before the death, and risen from the grave.
Those light winds that tease the sails will sometime fulfill their taunts and actually send me somewhere. In the meantime, I have friends like Dahahka sending me funny squirrel images:
*theme song: 99 Problems