The Pavlova Incident*: Oceanic Offensive

Let's go to the Oceanic Servers! Hooray!
Let’s go to the Oceanic Servers! Hooray!

It’s 11:36PM, 29 October in Sydney, Australia right now. In Christchurch, NZ, it’s 1:30AM, Thursday, 30 October. That means our friends in the Pacific are enjoying their new servers, reduction in latency has got to be amazing, and not worrying about the rest of the world literally and figuratively lagging behind must be refreshing. I’m sure Cymre and Navimie are thrilled to pieces. However, being an amateur anthropologist of cultures and societies, I must caution my friends in Aus/NZ to play nice.

Yes. I mean it. Don’t make me come down there and separate you two.

If I’ve learned anything about human nature, including my lifetime spent under the “better half” of the North American US/Canadian continent (Canada is the better half: duh!), it’s that even the simplest of rivalries can get out of control.

Because, you know, it’s not all shrimps-on-the-barbie-sheep-romancing-kiwis-ferocious-crocodile-eating-spiders-Hobbit-kissing-hole-dwelling-Peter Jackson-worshipping-beer-drinking-sheila-calling fun, after all.

And by sheep romancing, there usually aren’t candles involved. 

When I looked up "sophisticated Australian" this is what popped up. You can blame Google on that.
When I looked up “sophisticated Australian” this is what popped up. You can blame Google on that.

Consider, Australia is a dangerous place. Its flora and fauna always ranks the deadliest in the world. Considered savage and rough, some believe Aussies lack sophistication; however, they do have Australian Screen Legends, and of course, Nemo.

But it’s mostly this:

Thank you, no, I've already had my flying fox serving for today.
Thank you, no, I’ve already had my flying fox serving for today.

When you look up animals for New Zealand, you get this:

FUNZ
FUNZ

I suppose we Yanks can liken it to our relationship with Canada. Everyone knows Canadians are nicer, better, cleaner, better educated, and dude, they have Royal Mounted Police. ROYAL POLICE.

Just wanted a pretense to have a Brendan Fraser image in this post. Carry on.
Just wanted a pretense to have a Brendan Fraser image in this post. Carry on.

Now this being said, and you’re all better now that you know about the Aus/NZ potential for world domination if they mind their manners, eat their vegemite sandwiches (or paintings), share their fish-and-chips and whitebait, hangi and witchery grubs. And pass the Pavlova.

Will someone please get that woman some oil paints?
Will someone please get that woman some oil paints?

*Pavlova refers to a desert. Chalk one up to NZ! And I’m pretty sure Australia can keep Russell Crowe.

And to the untrained ear, the Australian versus the New Zealand accents can be muddy, but there are some nuances (this video is sooooo boring)

Now this is all in fun and jest. I know most of the world compartmentalizes us Yanks in three basic dialect types: Cowboy, Clueless, and the Hood:

And balls-fly-at-your-nose:

But when all is said and done, New Zealand, maybe you can give Australia the Pavlova thing. I mean, after all, they have to deal with this:

Cause after all, ain’t nobody got time for that.

life is too short

 

5 thoughts on “The Pavlova Incident*: Oceanic Offensive”

  1. Haha, nice one Matty. I saw that Sigourney Weaver pic in my feed yesterday and thought it was great! I also thought Pavlova was our thing not a kiwi one and a sophisticated Australian is a kiwi? I think not! /PSH!

    Oh and I’d get really confused switching from so many accents like that. She was spot on though.

    1. I don’t know – that one article makes a pretty strong case of Pavlova being for the NZ’s – but seriously how charming! May all of our rivalries be over desserts!

  2. DESSERT!
    /cough
    Do you think you could pull out any more stereotypes!!! 😛 But I tell you woman, we are excited down here now that we are on sub 20ms. OMG it is the stuff of dreams. Just like Flying foxes being eaten by snakes is the stuff of nightmares.

    1. I am so thrilled for you all! Thanks for taking a bit of gentle teasing – one thing can be said of my Aus/NZ friends; you have great senses of humor! (((LOVE)))

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