Dear Matty: Me…ee..eeeee…. and Mrs. Maclure….

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Dear Matty,

I am a 25-year-old human female with a big problem. Just a few years ago, I met who I thought was the love of my life. He lived across the fields, and his family and mine had a long-standing feud. That didn’t stop us from being together, though: we enlisted the help of the townspeople and other gallant strangers to help us convince our families we belonged together. Well, be careful what you wish for is all I can say now, because somehow we have been transported back in time, and not only are we married, but we live IN A BARN WITH NO PRIVACY WITH HIS PARENTS! He and his father spend their days pissing in the well, trapping animals, and making crude jokes about ‘animal husbandry.’ I can’t take it. My mother-in-law is awful, too: I don’t know if she’s been in the sherry (she says she’s “cooking”) or what her deal is, but she constantly criticizes me: my cooking, my clothes, the way I handle a pitchfork. She badgers me night and day about when I’m going to give her grandchildren. I’m not some brood mare! The only relief I have is when I sneak out and talk to other people in the compound. T.J., my husband, is getting suspicious. I want out, Matty. Help!

Put-Me-In-A-Pumpkin-Shell Princess

Dear Princess,

I wish I could help you: since you can get out of the barn once in awhile, make the best of it. Try to get to know some of the other females around the place, and make some supportive friends. Remember, there was a time you must have loved him, and he may be feeling the same frustrations you are (living with mom and dad at age 25 can’t be fun). Maybe it’s time you two took a vacation: I hear Elwynn Forest is lovely this time of year. In the meantime, maybe we can tweet the Devs and see if they can fix your situation. It strikes me as SUPER weird the four of you live in a barn: selfishly it takes me out of the narrative, and it was always all about me.

Good luck, princess…


5 thoughts on “Dear Matty: Me…ee..eeeee…. and Mrs. Maclure….”

  1. Makes you wish you could go to elwynn forest and tell her her future. Sadly I don’t think it would work, it’s probably her destiny. At least I wish Blizzard would get them a proper house. It’s the least they could do.

    1. I can’t stand that they live in a barn….maybe there are plans in the next expansion! Well we could have warned her but you’re right: youth never listens…

  2. Having the daughter living with us right now, I find I’m feeling powerfully less sympathetic. It ain’t like Lil Pumkin is paying rent to the Garrison Leader, eh? If you want to live Rent Free, you hafta put up with yer neighbors, In-laws or not.

    Now if’n she went complainifying bout them folks tromping up and down the path outside enough to rattle the ground (Yes the Blook-beater be looking at you, big guy), I be a might more ready to do something. But when yer Momma-in-law counters two threats, I’m not side-lining her just ’cause she annoys you.

  3. Of course not, Garrison Leader! Just think about the fact that you’ve never see Lil Pumkin offer to do the family dishes? And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen Pitchforks left lying about and needful of being put away.

    Some folks get asks to leave the barn far more often then others is all I’m saying.

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