now you see me…

You know that vortex that is Azeroth, the one that sucks us in, spinning, swirling, unrelenting? That one? Sure you do. Well, I have news. It operates in reverse, too. Somehow I found the switch the operates the machinery to spin clockwise, like some Southern hemisphere toilet. Oh, Coriolis. You spin me ’round ’round baby ’round round….

Anyway, when I do pop into Azeroth I feel like I’m looking down a well, sans Baby Jessica. TOO SOON MATTY! But one fiery chica still entertains me, and that is Ceniza. Between the glyph and some potions, Ceniza just knocks ’em back like tequila shots on Spring Break, and comes up with some surprising looks:

This is her current mog look: gritty, dark, and suits her combustible nature…

So I don’t blame anyone for not checking in with Sugar & Blood: this July isn’t quite turning out like I thought it would. Nothing bad, just — topsy? Turvey? And you know – the other day I thought, why not take Pessah the little priest in a dungeon, just for fun? It’s been a long time…and I got kicked after one trash pull. And you know? I thought I am just too old for this shit. And feeling like that —better go see a doctor, all I can say.

ggggghhhhoooooosssst!

I learned a new phrase yesterday: ghosting. I know it’s not new – ya’ll have been bandying this around forever, but it’s new to me. And the minute I heard it, immediately all the times I’ve been ghosted or have ghosted sprung to mind.

1. The ghost does not give an explanation of any sort, leaving the ghosted wondering where he or she went wrong. This phenomenon isn’t new, of course — prehistoric daters sat by their curly-corded phones waiting for their ghosts to call, and assumed that call must have come when he or she was out of the house.

Promise, I’m not trying to ghost anyone. I am taking a class, and started to exercise again, and only popping in Draenor to get my reps so I could fly. Look! IT HAPPENED TONIGHT!

I can fly! I can fly!

Wait, what? No? Not until some other patch on top of this patch?

Blizzard, if you wonder why I don’t call or text…

POOF

Je ne parle pas Jewel Crafting…

Imp Master DJ Vale and the Feltones

Look, I’m sorry, okay? I have squandered the most precious of resources – my Azerothian friends and their good will. My writing talents lie fallow (lay fallow?) and I am just not in ‘the know’ anymore. (Thank goodness Tome is!) Am I having fun derping around the jungle? Well, sure. There are some quick and fun goodies that pull me in and out fast and easy. Trinkets to change looks, get to rares quickly, apexes crystals raining down loot upgrades like nobody’s business.

But there’s that one thing.

The fact that my main JC recipe lies in a mythic dungeon, Skyreach, something I can only pug and then something always goes f*cking wrong. This last time:

I joined a group, the main tank said something in French, I wrote this, tabbed out to look at a map, and when I returned five seconds later I had been removed, and when I looked for the group again in the pre-mades, they were gone. So maybe it wasn’t because I couldn’t speak French, or maybe they decided to go with another healer, who the F*CK KNOWS. All I know is my recipe for the +75 haste gem is sitting in a place that has been obstructed to me.

Blizzard: DAFUQ. Please– PLEASE — do not put recipes in places where the average grown-up player with a life, job, and other shit to do can’t go!

Sigh.

I have yet to get a ghostly hat, or some of the other fun things. I don’t understand the elite pets strewn around, they just laugh at my poor pet battling skills.

Maybe it’s time I shift my focus to some anthropological or historical work around Azeroth. This letter is an example of a ‘primary source document.’ something near and dear to humanities scholars.

Every NPC has a story to tell..

Primary sources include original texts/documents or artifacts. I admit, one dream job of mine would be to write quest logs and these little gems around Azeroth/Draenor. Maybe I’ll reinstall My Role Play and mix things up a bit.

You know, something to do while I’m waiting for a Mythic pug.

Training videos.

I had all kinds of good intentions when it came to my next post: talk about love of shipyards (I have no idea why), talk about my approval of time-walking dungeons (though most groups have really sucked, and have some idea why), and how I am digging the lime-green effulgence of Draenor. I have tried to run a few mythic dungeons with pugs, and those have been an abject failure, but I’ll be able to go with Breige’s group on Friday.  I need to watch training videos about the new raids, but alas, i am watching new New Zealand fathers creatively hold a baby. My personal favorites are the double-Jesus and Stinky Nappy for You.

In any case, Stinky Nappy for Me or Stinky Nappy for You, it’s summertime, baby, and time to chill! Nothing about Azeroth, or the real world, should be taken seriously. Think I’ll go have another popsicle…