Darkshire Gentrification Society

darkshire coun

Being a newshound, I couldn’t help but notice some concerning details with the new Hearthstone packs: namely, a whole lot of political forces came crawling out of the wormwood from Darkshire, and the main town of Duskwood.

Now we all know and love Duskwood, Darkshire: the townsfolk are full of mystery, and never seem to tire of searching for lost necklaces, stargazing, and talking about ghosts and ale with the seductive tavern mistresses at the Scarlet Raven Tavern.

But something…something is spooky about this. There’s talk of xenophobic mishandlings of the Goblin Insurrection of ’07, not to mention that rumors are flying that the Scarlet Raven has been bought by an off-shore contingency with a Dalaran address. Some say the new councilor plans on building a wall around the town and making Westfall pay for it. And don’t forget the underground sewer movement of millennial mages wanting free tuition at the Lady Jane School of Magic. Climate and pollution protesters have been marching incessantly at the Booty Bay fishing tourneys, too, charging the Big Fel Companies with fracking poisons. (Activists discovered an assortment of fel-debris choking the reefs. That Legion rain comes at a cost!) Some warlock from the Slaughtered Lamb also touts her political savvy and “turn” –no one is quite sure what she’s talking about but she seems to be very assured that she is next in line for something and has sent her minions to post flyers around the town obstructing others from reading public postings. (Ravenholdt Manor hasn’t made an official statement, but underground reports of Stormwind financing seem to hold water.) An older paladin with white hair and a gravelly voice speaks nothing but truth and his warriors continue to zealously fight for the light. They will never yield to the questionable antics of warlocks, and have made it clear.  Meanwhile, a demonic imp holds tomes high in the air but covers the runes so the good citizens of Azeroth can’t read it, but many say he is in cahoots with Sargarean forces. Spokespeople from the Sargarean Cults confirm, however, he was denied membership. He was, in their words, “a miserable son of a bitch.”

Meanwhile, Darkshire’s public buildings continue to have large DURUMPF signs raised to the top of the towers while lower-income dwellings have been razed to rubble. Abercrombie’s makeshift hidey-hole tower is gone, as is Madame Eva’s shack. In their places are a Wholeylight Food market and Starkbacks. Suspicious.

Be on the lookout, good citizens of Azeroth: watch for creep in gold prices and angry mobs. Things are getting a little too interesting for this Draenei. Time to get back on the ship and fly north.