Category Archives: limericks. Guarf

Love Letters I: Guarf

Since he hates limericks, I decided to write one for Guarf:

There once was a Dwarf named Guarf
Who drank so much ale he barfed

No, no, no…do over:

There once was Dwarf in Ironforge
Who fished, drank ale, and sausage gorged
His belly got so fat and round
When his shaman friend Matty looked down

DAMMIT! I can never think of that last line!

Guarf: Happy Valentine’s Day.

I miss you.

Limericks for one day…

There once was a draenei with big horns
So big they were, like ears of corn
On each side of her head
They barely fit in her bed
Size does matter, she could have sworn

A beautiful paladin, into a dungeon she went
Righteous defense she constantly spent
Pulling back mobs, she skillfully clobbered
All over her orbs they sloppily-slobbered
And drool on her chestguard she began to lament

“Guarf…help. It’s right there, but not quite.”

No contest.

Matty sat, trying to maintain her lady-like posture, on Guarf’s floor, but not very successfully. Too much Dwarven stout knocked her manners down. She tossed her head back and laughed–he had a way with words, the old curmudgeon. (She had a knack for seeing under others’ crusty masks, and kept the gift fresh by never revealing it.)

Their contest? Dirtiest limericks. She was still crimson pink from the last round. Start one, finish one, were the rules. Nothing else, jokers’ wild.

“Oh, lassie, betcha can’t finish this one! —

There once were two girls from Darnassus
Whose boobs were as big as their assess…

Go on! What are the next few lines?!”

She smiled…”Okay, my hammered friend:”

There once were two girls from Darnassus
Whose boobs were as big as their assess…
Until a zeppelin flew by
and let out a sigh
and aimed straight for their crevasses…

Guarf looked in wonderment at the sweet girl. 

He just shook his head and drank his ale.