Category Archives: Warlords of Draenor

The secret life of bowlers…

Looking for tools
What’s in your toolbox?

A shaman, Elleshia@Whisperwind, asked a question in trade chat, and smarty-pants me thought I knew the answer–essentially, does it matter what level a follower is to work at a garrison building? I said ‘nope’ impulsively, and Elleshia was kind enough to whisper me that others were saying, yes, it does matter – there is a small chance of additional output if the follower working the joint has a higher item level.

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Kellda's Imaginary NPC
Kellda’s Imaginary NPC

Well, perhaps because I was playing sexy librarian Kellda the Wondering Warlock at the time, in the spirit of research and archival knowledge, I made it my mission to seek some answers. Elleshia inspired me, too, because his idea about all the secret bonuses, buffs, and bounty in WoD must be made known!

This morning Mataoka the Most Beautiful Shaman in the World received a 670 level agility trinket from a mission.


*wipes away tear of pure joy*

Which means adding one more item to help raise DPS. Because as Elleshia agrees, we enhancement shammies are powerful, but misunderstood, much like our beloved Nobundo.

We get loot, gold, reputation buffs, some fun transmog items from scavenger boxes (which admit: you’re addicted to. It’s okay. There is no twelve step program for it. Embrace the clickage.). I have filled put the guild bank once, twice, stuff to the brim and then depleted again, like Christmas elves on crack

So, what I can’t find out is if the item level of a follower, not just the level-level matters. 

I will tell you Shelly Hambly is so mean.

But we don’t have a lot of answers yet. And I am wondering if any of the hopes and dreams that we hoped and dreamed have come to pass. My player friends – what is one surprise, buff, secret awesomesauce you can share?

This gentleman did:

…but Ceniza is still not going to play Ice.

The thing is, between nerf talk and buff talk, I feel like it’s impossible to really know the mojo mix until we play and try. I spent literally 45 minutes stressing out over one talent versus another the other day, when I finally just went with my instincts with a hearty “Eff it.”



PS: One thing I wish were true is if you kill rats in the mine, they stop coming there.

Pay the piper. And the repair man. And the garrison. And….

haanta and the wolves

My friend Señor set a gold challenge for himself. I didn’t realize he had done this, but noticed a change in play behavior: he’s not in Warlords yet, and has been using his play time very well – I won’t share his gold making secrets, or why he took this challenge (which he shared with me yesterday) but suffice it to say he has been very successful in making gold. And let me be clear: my friend never tries to tell me what to do or how to play, but I sensed some concern about my gold-spending habits. Maybe he wants me to save for a rainy day, or be able to buy my own way if there is a challenge mode run or two I just can’t do on my own. This conversation happened after he noticed that the Garn Nighhowls were selling on the Auction House for around 9-12,000 gold. I decided to look that mount up to see if I could do it on my own, and I tried, and the answer is no. No. No. And no. The wolf is dropped by Nok-Karosh, and Nok is surrounded by her entire wolf pack of level 100 wolves who will eat your face from across the snowdrifts. So what’s a girl to do? Dig out all her pennies and silvers from the garrison couch cushions and buy it, of course. Señor did make a valid point: how do I plan on getting and saving for gold for things I may want in the future of the game? (Coincidentally, real life gold is causing me a lot of anxiety at the moment, and it does get tiresome to always “make do.”)

So let’s make a plan. I now have Mataoka, Zeptepi, Momokawa, and Kellda with full Level 3 garrisons, cranking out herbs, professions, and whatnot. How do they use their skills? To make crap for one another, of course, or in Kellda’s case make Darkmoon Cards instead of staves and wands. Zeptepi made two elekk plushies–one for her, and one for her friend Turk who is a masterful pet battler. What else? Gems? Furs? Hmmm. There are great ways to make gold in Warlords, and thank Velen, because it is very, very expensive. At 5K per Tier 3 garrisons, times at least 6-7 ‘main’ alts, and don’t even begin to count the gold for upgrading the buildings. And sure enough, somehow the garrison resources have run completely dry. Funny, I don’t FEEL like going over the maps again and again to try to get tiny amounts of resources. Missions suck them up, and not much ROI (return on investment). Somehow once again I missed the memo on how to make, and keep, gold.

Or maybe I should just shut up and listen to my friend Señor: just save it, Matty. That’s your last wolf for awhile.

But doesn’t Haanta look grand?! 

She Wolf by Shakira (she’s not that great of a dancer but damn she is flexible)

Happy (Naked) New Year!

naked raid

I’m beginning to suspect some designers at Blizzard are just a bunch of dirty old men, or they are becoming more brazen in their pranks. There are been dozens of delightful surprises on Warlords, and yesterday’s LFR run in Highmaul was no exception. (And let me say how much I LOVE how easy LFR is now–no need for nerd rage, kicking, etc. They seem to be designed as they were intended: a way to see the fights on “light” mode, get a few pieces of gear, and feel some iota of success.) Someone pulled more mobs than they needed (mage, I’m looking at you) and bounding over was a bouncy, loin-cloth sporting ogre. The next thing I knew, Mataoka was standing there in her birthday suit plus undergarments, and so was the rest of the raid! Watching a naked Draenei male tank is something to see. Turns out we were ‘pilfered,’ and much like the ‘pillage’ debuff, nudity is the rule of the hour. The pillage one seems a bit aggressive to me, and borderline sexual harassment. Borderline, hell – it is.

Do you make New Year’s resolutions? Sometimes I do, sometimes not. Saw these this morning, and thought they seemed attainable:

new yearsI would change “Fight like a Man” to “Fight Like a Naked Draenei,” because no one brings the sexy punch like they do. ‘Look like an elf’ may be a bit of a reach, but perhaps if I concentrate on channeling my ‘inner’ elf…you know, the blithe, high born inner me…graceful under pressure, blah blah blah. Okay, that one may be a tad unrealistic.

So – onward to 2015! Here’s to kisses at midnight, clean houses, and lots of loot – cheers!

Legal in Lunarfall…

I've got a gift for you!
I’ve got a gift for you!

So there’s this cave of Druids. I found it during the early phases of building, but now I can’t find it again. Like a magic fairy circle, those Druids are shifty ones, that’s for sure.  Didn’t know about it? Of course you did! Who doesn’t know when there’s a nest of Druids squatting in a cave under their house? (Well, the mice are gone in the Matty-shack, but the psychological scars remain.)

Well much like other hidden things in Draenor, Druids can be hard to catch. I imagine them seeking sanctuary, laying low until they’re needed to wrath and claw. They do enjoy their herbs, however, so maybe they’re not taking action because they’re–well. Sleepy. Very very sleepy. With munchies. The jurisdiction of King W does not extend to their enclave so they are free to use as much incense as they choose. Who can blame them? Those caves get mighty musty, not to mention the funk of bear form.

Now one thing that’s delighted me as a I travel the new old world is finding many familiar faces along the way. Look! There’s Justin Timberlord. Maybe he spooked the druids with all that tree-cutting–they feared for life and limb. It’s the beginning of the holiday season, and every time I think of Justin Timberlake Timberlord I think of a very special gift. The next time time Justin Timberland hands over a crate of garrison goodies, hope you think of this:

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Look! I found my friend Cymre’s NPC! If I had an NPC in the game, it would be find the Altaholic Intervention Therapist.

Can I get your autograph? No. Damn.
Can I get your autograph? No? Damn.


Momokawa found them, of course.

momo found them

Death by houseplants.

in my own dojo
Carry on, Sergeant.

The story you’re about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Mataoka wandered around the grounds of her own estate–a magnificent, palatial estate. From her humble beginnings, however, she felt uncomfortable as ‘lady of the manor,’ with awkward and sheepish interactions with the grounds staff and security, sensing a small amount of paranoia. She had yet to take full command of her troops, as her title and rank suggested.

While picking flowers in the herb garden, the gardeners standing aside, rooted in place, a small monster leapt out from the dirt, biting, scratching, gnawing: it overcame her best abilities and killed her! It half-covered her body in peat moss and potting soil; as she ran back from the grave, furious, embarrassed, and seeking vengeance over a house plant, she arrived back at the scene of the crime to find one of the footmen rousted from the drinking hall dispatching the plant. Where was this trooper when the plant was making Mataoka allergic…allergic to living? For Velen’s sake–sitting in a Rylak Claw shop on her hind-quartermasters?

Mataoka saw it all clearly. Not only would she need a bodyguard to pick flowers, but would have to take full command and be the leader they all expected her to be. This was nothing to sneeze at, and it smelled like elekk fertilizer.

Or be killed by flowers.

Theme song:

Weeds for Roses


I am man enough to admit when I am wrong. Kam was right – it’s not so bad going through with a few characters. Why this about-face? Well, if I hadn’t taken Zeptepi through yesterday, I never would have noticed this:

step three prophet

This alludes to one of my favorite episodes of South Park. Ever. The Underpants Gnomes have it all figured out:

phase 1 2 3

This is the Phase 1 Part:


Nor would I have seen Zep’s smoky trail of gun powder animation:

gun powder shadowThere will be all kinds of surprises for each character, as well as learning from past mistakes. Already Zep got her enchanting shack up and running, and with the help of my younger cub, I learned how to tame a baby meadowstomper and add followers to my professions. When I watched him go over the bridge with ease, he said, “It’s okay–sometimes unless you see, it it’s hard to know what to do.” This is in contrast with young leet druid: JUST READ THE TOOL TIP (and then apologizes for being impatient).

My next big challenge is to find some patience to get Mataoka up to gear level to do Molten Core. I play this game behind all the time, but need to remember to relax. I shouldn’t look at all the players ahead of me, but instead remember to help those behind me. I’m here, leaving a trail of gun powder and underpants.

PS: One time I didn’t read the tool tip. I caught this rubber duck and promptly threw it in the water to see if it would float, versus to a companion pet. It sank.

rubber duck

PPS: Oh, and I killed this monster all by myself:


Mataoka’s Dream House

A beautiful picture of Mataoka always makes me feel better...old model
A beautiful picture of Mataoka always makes me feel better…old model

I wish there was an English word that meant love/hate all at once – like schadenfreude means ‘pleasure in others’ pain’ or something like that. Ambiguity or ambivalence doesn’t quite cut it.

What do I love about WoD? I am digging everything Big Bear said.

With a big, big butt but:

I wish my alts, which are really other mains, could be part of the same garrison, which Grimmtooth underscored in a comment.

I am dreading going through this content x4, or x5. Who do I leave behind? Zeptepi, who is a master tailor and enchanter? Momokawa, who is an excellent herbalist and alchemist? What about Kellda? Inscription and herbalist, and power-house of damage? Maybe Haanta gets left behind, but with her leather-working and skinning, she is my second true love. Okay, then Ceniza, fiery mage of passion and humor? Sorry, Lady Ceniza, you’re not welcome?

Why can’t I have ALL my ladies of Draenor come live in the same garrison, under one roof?

Too much to hope for.

I am breaking my vow of silence over this issue. I’m not even sorry. When I saw that Blizzard posted a cute little animation about their model changes, I saw only white-hot rage. And to read the comments, about how many players can’t wait to see Blood Elves. I say be careful what you wish for, dear players. They could give your beloved characters dead-eye stare of Draenei, the soulless mocking apathy, or the hysterical, hyper-exaggerated amateurish, mouth-lit human female model, or the bovine Tauren. I’m sorry – I am still bitter.

Damn – and Luperci! Her blacksmithing skills are incredible.




Constellation of Thoughts

starsNovember is like tax season for me, if I were an accountant. It’s the longest shortest month. I’m not complaining, I’m blessed and grateful–just telling myself to be patient with myself while I get it all done.

I remember when I first started getting friends on this blog, how I would steal every second to scribble story ideas. The muse was strong with this one. Now something has shifted, the tide has gone out, and I’m not sure when its pull will return. But if there was ever a time to get writing fan-fic again, this would be it.

frostwolf haantaAnd just like in the past when I don’t read notes or blogs, I have made many expensive garrison mistakes. I am not sure what to do or how to fix them. One success, however, is Haanta’s focused energy to save and love an orphaned frostwolf. Many mixed allegiances–so conflicted.

Anyway, will you help me name her, Haanta’s frostwolf?

I’m all right…

Nobody worry about me…

But where is Messina? Mess Hall Messina would have been a good cook...
But where is Messina? Mess Hall Messina would have been a good cook…

See? Right here? Ken Loggin. He is the patron saint of 1970s-1980s pop music and I’m sure, logging in. So, I made it in to Draenor. And once again I am reminded what a punk I am. I am so lucky to have a warm home, and a caddy shack to build. To Azeroth! The Danger Zone!


ice cream truck wife

Years ago, CD Rogue showed me this photo series a husband took of his wife when she missed the Ice Cream Man.

This was me tonight:

No ice cream for you.
No ice cream for you.

Yes, that’s me, crying under a warlock robe my son put on me when he took pity on my sorry self. I’m doing everything I can to avoid reading blogs about conquests and happiness, while I see from Hearthstone (which I’ve lost repeatedly) my Battletag friends in zones of Garrisons and Joy. Leveling! Happy! Saving Azeroth! Saving Azeroth ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Is this writing one of “those” letters to Blizzard worth it? Is it time to go goblin and demand reparations? I’m just too heartsick. I have to go to bed now because I have a big presentation tomorrow, but do want to stop and wish Tome a VERY happy birthday! Don’t mind me, Tome, while I cry under this blanket, okay?

So what’s a Draenei to do but curl up in a fetal position by the fire on a cold night, and read The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell, and try to get a better attitude? We finally watched Maleficent, but my heart wasn’t really in it. When I went back to check on my queue, I saw the screen, and there smiling like Aurora on a prom date was Mataoka, beckoning me! CLICK CLICK LADY CLICK! AND THUNK – nada. No go.


Crawling back under the blankets now. At least the dust bunnies love me.