Tag Archives: FUNZ

Why is the warlock standing there?

kellda

So very anti-climatic: the prodigal blogger returns and this is what I bring? A post about my non-WoW life? I admit am in this weird limbo now–no, that’s not fair. I dug my way out of the rabbit hole but still have dirt until my nails, and took a few worm ends with me. Focusing on work, our puppy, and trying to read more have occupied me fairly fully. But I can’t stay away from Azeroth altogether, but I do question my sanity every time I log in.

For instance, the other night I popped in to see what my raid team was up to. There is a druid healer, let’s just call him “Kuzzyfin.” He is kind of…my impression…sort of….immature. A grown man who gets very agitated when others makes mistakes. That night I must have been mentally bird walking, and he yells in raid chat, “WHY IS THE WARLOCK STANDING OVER THERE!?” F*ck if I know. And let’s be clear: the only reason a warlock, my warlock, was standing anywhere is because they wanted someone with rocks and a portal. I warned them I am terrible at warlock-ing now. Blizzard broke my warlock, and I can’t seem to find the means of gluing her back together. Raiding? Not sure. /meh

The warlock, kind Kuzzyfin, is standing where she wants to be, and you all have been raiding together for months, and one little errant warlock is not going to mess things up. I saw Helke pat him on the back/emote and I asked her to stop it. He strikes me as petulant and mean, a spoiled brat. And trust me: I don’t have patience for spoiled brats–either in Azeroth or real life. Or the real life of Azeroth.

So here’s the thing: in my MMORPG there isn’t enough of the R-to-keep-me-Play-ing. I’ve drained the accounts on making my garrison as customized as I am capable. and I’m with Tome on this one: No big moose to ride? EFU. I want a damn moose.

moose mount

Seriously.

Give me a damn moose or the dwarf gets it. (She being the Master of Hollow Threats.)

What else? Oh yeah- the 100 level boost. Yes, of course I bought the pre-game like a SUCKER – but I missed Sajja and just couldn’t stomach leveling another character to 100. Why, Matty, what’s the big deal. Well let’s just say I had 9 level 100s and Sajja makes the 10th.

Yes, nine. And now baby monk makes ten:

  1. Mataoka –our one and only World’s Most Beautiful Shaman
  2. Zeptepi (priestess)
  3. Kellda (sh*tty warlock)
  4. Haanta (huntress)
  5. Ceniza (mage)
  6. Luperci(paladin)
  7. Momokawa (druid)
  8. Pessah (priest)
  9. Selkaa (huntress on Navi’s realm/guild)
  10. Sajja -monk

Notice the lack of death knights, rogues, and warriors? Yup. Can’t figure those out.

Oh, and Blizzcon? Yes, could have gone again this year but opted to stay home. Not sure why. Oh I know why. A SH*T TON OF COLD HARD CASH THAT’S WHAT.

My Hallow’s Eve decorations are still up in the garrison. The guild bank is full of useful resources I squander. And my coffee’s getting cold. I love the trailers:

Movie

and the expansion:

If you want news about wha Blizz is really up to, go see Cymre, Tome, or Navi.

One thing– writing little stories about Azeroth did make me happy, and little joys are awesome.

And by the way, asked a real New Zealander if this smells like New Zealand:

IMG_0019

yes.

yes it does.

Postscript:

IMG_1824 (1)

and just read:

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel 

Don’t go through that book alone.

Training videos.

I had all kinds of good intentions when it came to my next post: talk about love of shipyards (I have no idea why), talk about my approval of time-walking dungeons (though most groups have really sucked, and have some idea why), and how I am digging the lime-green effulgence of Draenor. I have tried to run a few mythic dungeons with pugs, and those have been an abject failure, but I’ll be able to go with Breige’s group on Friday.  I need to watch training videos about the new raids, but alas, i am watching new New Zealand fathers creatively hold a baby. My personal favorites are the double-Jesus and Stinky Nappy for You.

In any case, Stinky Nappy for Me or Stinky Nappy for You, it’s summertime, baby, and time to chill! Nothing about Azeroth, or the real world, should be taken seriously. Think I’ll go have another popsicle…

Irritable Blizzard Syndrome

I ca
I can get some items for my purple look, like the bow, but others not so much. Maybe the twisting nether shirt is literally in the twisting nether.

We players keep paying this subscription every month with this stupid, naive notion that somehow this is our game.

Godmother is so smart, so tech savvy, and damn, knows Blizzard and the games ins/outs so well, her level of fangirl-dom is at its zenith. I can’t begin to match it, and won’t even try. Even in tousled conversations at the Matty-Shack over Star Wars (me) and Star Trek (CD Rogue) we’ve managed to come to some mutual understanding and diplomatic detente.

She has diligently explained to us not only why we shouldn’t have flying, but why we should start whining about it, too. All right, all right. That’s cool.

But…

I can’t help thinking about that time I went to DisneyWorld with my favorite, and not so politically-correct, relative. He and I met for breakfast, and looking around, he mentioned how he didn’t think that handicapped people should be so accommodated for at the park, that there were some thing that fat/disable/mentally handicapped folks just can’t do, and get over it. Their obese frames motoring ’round on scooters, or getting ahead in line for rides annoyed him.

Yup.

But don’t judge me by a weak DNA link. I love this relative, and though he professes Christian values, we know how those go most of the time.

And…

I also can’t help but think of a friend of mine who read somewhere that sometimes folks in wheelchairs love to play World of Warcraft because they can FLY.

I mean, where else can you buy your dragon and fly it, too?

Quite frankly, Scarlet, I don’t give a damn if they don’t have flying in Draenor. It would have been great, I mean, because there are some places even in my garrison I would love to explore, but those places are glued shut. I would love to see my dragons who seem to be spending their retirement in my stables just flapping their wings and setting the stable boy on fire (sorry, Raven, but you should always GET OUT OF THE FIRE). I guess what I would like is for others, including Blizzard, not to tell me how I should feel about it, that though it’s my subscription money, to just deal and stop acting like such an entitled brat. Maybe instead of Draenor it should be “Drain-MORE-money?” (snort)

Maybe…

Just leave it alone. How about that?

If you want to get your mind off of Azeroth for awhile, may I suggest a REAL movie about vampires, “What We Do In the Shadows,” another triumph out of New Zealand:

Remember, when it’s June in the Northern Hemisphere it’s dark in the Southern.

OLRG: Big hair blues

boomchicka
Kellda: Just relax. You’ll get that gear.

I have some unfortunate news: this Saturday, the 10th, and the 17th, I will be unavailable for OLRG shenanigans. This is quite disagreeable, because I am ready for some light-hearted adventures. I need to give a shout-out to Hawt: she is indeed one of the kindest, and most patient, team leaders I have ever met. If I had her for a supervisor, I can tell you the colors in my world would be much, much brighter. She let me bring my priest Zeptepi into Heroics last night. I worked and spent a ton of gold on her to get her ready, and have switched back to Holy, which I am in love with again, but she still needs gear. Turns out, a lot of her regular player friends have ALSO made the switch to Holy, and too many healers spoils the run, so I switched to Kellda the Warlock With the Big Hair but No Gear. Long story short: it occurred to me around midnight when I could not fall asleep I should have left the evening’s fun. I may have made it awkward for Hawt, and I never want to do that. Kellda is far from ready. You know when you get whispers from other players on how to play your character you’re in trouble. Um, hello!? Warlock expert here…but the numbers didn’t show it. Ah, the eternal Catch-22 of play: can’t get great DPS/HPS without gear, and can’t get gear unless you’re in the game, and can’t get in the game WHAT THE EFF ONLY THREE CRAFTED ITEMS? Talk about shenanigans. Blizzard limited the gear from LFR, so not only have they forced our collective hands to do normals+ if we want gear, we can’t even wear our handmade-clothes.

Poop.

So, yes, the frustration in my heart was fairly palatable last night. I still want to finish Dragon Soul, and some other places where there may be ponies.

But then I come across something like this, and think, FUNZ. No, no, that’s not nice. I think, “Look at that! When life gives you volcanoes, roast marshmallows!”

 

Yippee Ki-Yay…

Or: so many things. Unwrap at will.clown on donkey

Tank v Talbuk

Thank heavens for practical friends…one friend who explained to me why the Nagrand tank is far and away a superior choice to the Telaari Talbuk. However, my instincts do not waiver: for me, the talbuk edges out the tank. I noticed, all on my own, that when I click on the water strider, the talbuk walks on water. I can ride, farm, handle any mob, drop any totem, and spawn any spirit wolves on my talbuk. She never fails me, and is friendly to the environment. When I hit my Ascension spell, it looks like I’m a circus performer from some dark dream. I did some research, and many players agree with me. Now granted, if you’re into cool looking Dwarfish technology, you can’t beat the tank.

And this is kind of embarrassing: someone visited my blog while looking for solid information on tanks versus talbuks, and all I gave them was silliness:

I am sorry. You came here for information, and I gave you a big hug.
I am sorry. You came here for information, and I gave you a big hug.

Proving Grounds

So the proving grounds. All they have proven to me is how pissed off I can get. I was grousing the other day to my practical friend about how frustrated I was when, after Zeptepi reached Level 100, I could not, COULD NOT, get past Bronze healing. My friend listened to me and then linked his Gold Proving Grounds achievement.

My reaction:

eyeroll

http://giphy.com/embed/CIYsQ5hZlYT2o?html5=true

The little warlock cookie crumbled, and there were other signs that the scenario was buggy for Zeptepi. Also, I am a terrible shaman healer and had no trouble with DPS/Healing for Mataoka, and in general am a better healer on Zeptepi and Momokawa. I even put in a ticket, and got the usual reply. “Thanks for playing! Come again!’ Pfft.

I finally, through sheer will and nerd-rage, completed Bronze. I’ll get to Silver soon. To be clear: I have no issue with players having to perform this minor gate-keeping to do heroics, but I do have a HUGE issue with Blizzard not ensuring that it’s working right and makes sense. Some of the players I’ve seen in Heroics act like they’ve never played the game before. How about a dialogue tutorial or suggestion voice over for players? Whatever Blizzard. Just make sure it works, mkay?

Crock-Pot Questing

But if I hadn't gone on this quest, I never would have seen these beauties...
But if I hadn’t gone on this quest, I never would have seen these beauties…

We were also discussing how cool it would be if instead of all of our followers having all the fun, we could send our characters out on missions with them. This reminded me of when I use a Crock-Pot on the rare occasions I cook. The problem with crock-pots is the smell of whatever you’re cooking lingers in the house all day long, and if you have kind of a picky eaters like I do in the house, they hate to smell what they are going to eat for too long. Even getting them to eat leftovers is a challenge. So, instead of facing this challenge, like I would do in Proving Grounds, I do the smart thing: I don’t cook anymore. This is something I may have to try, though. Wait till everyone is out of the house so they don’t smell it cooking all day. To me, that’s half the fun is the anticipation of something delicious to eat. But–you gotta admit–it would be pretty nice to set a character out there in the world, with her special skills, and team up with followers, wake up to delicious loot and gold…

Don’t Curse the Darkness

Wait, what?
Wait, what?

Is this what that means?

Better go see a dermatologist.
Better go see a dermatologist.

In the Northern Hemisphere, today is the shortest day of the year, or the longest night, depending on your crepuscular nature. Turns out, it’s going to be the LONGEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF THE PLANET. So for my friends in Australia/New Zealand, enjoy your light. And warmth. But I find no small amount of schadenfreude when I realize there are silly people in New Zealand, too. It’s going to be a long night, but at least I’m not stuck in a car. But hey, the car was in New Zealand, so that would have balanced it out.

Reeled in!

He caught a whopper: me
He caught a whopper: me

I worked hard to get Abu’gar — I mistakenly believed a fishing troll would be a great follower for my fishing shack. Nope. Got trolled.

And don’t wear red

Not in any dimension:

red shirt

 

Neil Finn: Not the Girl You Think You Are

Feeling the darkness blues? Play this VERY LOUD:

 

The Cure for Azerothian Flu: Ghost Chips

I KNOW, ALL RIGHT! This is old news for half the world, but blimey, not for me!

Let me explain: today is November 12. It is currently 2:55PM. Everyone who lives in Azeroth is so excited about Warlords. Soo excited. Excited. So. Excited. Soooooveryexcited. Yes. And wouldn’t you know it? The gods of work closures smiled on me today and created a wind storm of such epic proportions it shut down most of my county, because the power was out. But…

not

at

my

house.

I had one “get out of jail free” card today. If it had JUST been 12 hours later, I could be sitting here with my face planted squarely up Khadgar’s robes, close enough to smell the mana. (Ew?! Who thought that was a good idea?) So while some of my friends on the social inter-webs are considering a sick day tomorrow, alas, I am S.O.L. Between taking off for my Blizzcon road trip, and Veterans’ Day yesterday, and Monday being a workshop kind of day, I need to get back to the real job tomorrow. In other words, I cannot call in with Azerothian Flu. Its symptoms include a lot of self-medicating with Nethergarde Ale, swallowing of tablets the size of glyphs, and obsessively rearranging add-ons like they’re furniture in a new house. Oh, and Apex Shards. Millions and millions of Apexis Crystals. Although that cure is considered off-brand and experimental. Results may vary.

But ultimately, being home today is good news, because I could be on when Dahahka was, and we got to talking about my divisive Oceanic post, and he led me to this video:

What’s the moral of the story? Are you, dear reader, searching for a tie-in between WoD, Azerothian Flu, and Maori/New Zealand drunk-driving awareness PSAs? Me too. Me/sigh/too. Okay, let me give it a go. Take back control of this post. No matter what happens in WoD, which will be my third expansion since I started playing, I am internalizing a really complicated situation in my head. And it still keeps me entertained.

And I am going to make Pavlova for the holidays.

 

The Pavlova Incident*: Oceanic Offensive

Let's go to the Oceanic Servers! Hooray!
Let’s go to the Oceanic Servers! Hooray!

It’s 11:36PM, 29 October in Sydney, Australia right now. In Christchurch, NZ, it’s 1:30AM, Thursday, 30 October. That means our friends in the Pacific are enjoying their new servers, reduction in latency has got to be amazing, and not worrying about the rest of the world literally and figuratively lagging behind must be refreshing. I’m sure Cymre and Navimie are thrilled to pieces. However, being an amateur anthropologist of cultures and societies, I must caution my friends in Aus/NZ to play nice.

Yes. I mean it. Don’t make me come down there and separate you two.

If I’ve learned anything about human nature, including my lifetime spent under the “better half” of the North American US/Canadian continent (Canada is the better half: duh!), it’s that even the simplest of rivalries can get out of control.

Because, you know, it’s not all shrimps-on-the-barbie-sheep-romancing-kiwis-ferocious-crocodile-eating-spiders-Hobbit-kissing-hole-dwelling-Peter Jackson-worshipping-beer-drinking-sheila-calling fun, after all.

And by sheep romancing, there usually aren’t candles involved. 

When I looked up "sophisticated Australian" this is what popped up. You can blame Google on that.
When I looked up “sophisticated Australian” this is what popped up. You can blame Google on that.

Consider, Australia is a dangerous place. Its flora and fauna always ranks the deadliest in the world. Considered savage and rough, some believe Aussies lack sophistication; however, they do have Australian Screen Legends, and of course, Nemo.

But it’s mostly this:

Thank you, no, I've already had my flying fox serving for today.
Thank you, no, I’ve already had my flying fox serving for today.

When you look up animals for New Zealand, you get this:

FUNZ
FUNZ

I suppose we Yanks can liken it to our relationship with Canada. Everyone knows Canadians are nicer, better, cleaner, better educated, and dude, they have Royal Mounted Police. ROYAL POLICE.

Just wanted a pretense to have a Brendan Fraser image in this post. Carry on.
Just wanted a pretense to have a Brendan Fraser image in this post. Carry on.

Now this being said, and you’re all better now that you know about the Aus/NZ potential for world domination if they mind their manners, eat their vegemite sandwiches (or paintings), share their fish-and-chips and whitebait, hangi and witchery grubs. And pass the Pavlova.

Will someone please get that woman some oil paints?
Will someone please get that woman some oil paints?

*Pavlova refers to a desert. Chalk one up to NZ! And I’m pretty sure Australia can keep Russell Crowe.

And to the untrained ear, the Australian versus the New Zealand accents can be muddy, but there are some nuances (this video is sooooo boring)

Now this is all in fun and jest. I know most of the world compartmentalizes us Yanks in three basic dialect types: Cowboy, Clueless, and the Hood:

And balls-fly-at-your-nose:

But when all is said and done, New Zealand, maybe you can give Australia the Pavlova thing. I mean, after all, they have to deal with this:

Cause after all, ain’t nobody got time for that.

life is too short