Melvoice Place…

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I made a new friend today in Azeroth. She’s a Draenei hunter named Taea, and she cracked me UP!

All she had to say was “I heard that in Mel Gibson’s voice…” and that was it.

Every player…every NPC…imagine it…every last one…talking in a Mel Gibson character voice.

mel

Think of this…

King Varian…

Arthas…

JAINA!

frank

IT WOULD MAKE HIS CAREER LIVE AGAIN!

cheers

Now, I’m thinking my friend Tome would get behind this idea. A whole Azeroth of Mel, pre-crazy Mel, and maybe Garrosh could be played by post-crazy Mel. Think of the possibilities!

Well, while I muse on this for a bit, I bet whenever I get around to calling upon the Old Ladies Raiding Guild to start kicking some ass, September 1 or not September 1, Taena would join us.

It will happen again: FREEDOM!

Distracted.

IMG_0352

Look, okay…I have other things to do now than write on this blog–and trust me, it’s hurting me. What that means is I am too consumed by real life, and my reflections take on a dull and mottled feel. But look — there is a new German Shepherd puppy to take care of, and once in awhile I’ll pop in a new LFR:

Fresh out of chew toys...
Fresh out of chew toys…

There are so many new, gritty and incredible illustrations in the game now: take these demonic dogs – the update to the design is truly terrifying. I love it.

But in real life, I can’t do pet battles, or level alts, or any of those things because

puppy.

Too old to be a mom and too young to be a grandmother, decided this was the logical path.

Velen have mercy on my soul.

Complaint Registered.

If you miss me, you may send an in-game message to one Sir “T********ER@KEL’THUZAD.”

This is now the third time I’ve gone in the game, with the same heirlooms, and five years of experience on a variety of classes, and the same knowledge of the game as anyone. And yet, something has fundamentally shifted. It’s become too easy, so easy, that when players take their alts into lower level dungeons, and they do not adhere to mechanics, and then die, their vitriol and acerbic butt-holiness comes shining through.

He died pulling too much trash, this making us wait until he wanted to start, in the bug dungeon, and then had the time to type long sentences, insult me, and mocking me in whispers after I left. Apparently I don’t even know where the ‘report’ button is. I do, and I also know where they “ignore” button is.

I’m sick of the fucking trolls, the little pricks, who rule their kingdoms from their keyboards.

And I now have scientific proof: “Gamers Who Troll Women Are Literally Losers.” Now young Sir ****er did not know I’m a woman; he may have assumed I was a kid and bullied me assuming I would cry and stop playing. And he’s right. I’m not crying, but am going to stop playing. It’s not fun to try new things, to level characters/alts, or find anything new and engaging in older content most players have been through a thousand times, and then think because their level 74 warrior has heirlooms they’re hot sh*t and can slice through it. They’re right: it’s boring as hell. Now I could just play my mains when I have time, and I might do that. But five years with the same shaman, as beautiful as she is, is not my thing. I don’t want to quest, raiding is out, and players f*cking suck.

So I’m done.

There is no reason to play this game unless a. I’m playing with friends or b. I’m still enchanted with the beauty and the wonderment of it. I haven’t been able to play with friends because of work and life. Other grown-ass women are not siting at a computer at 10:30PM on a Saturday night writing about punk warrior asshats. I am alone.

And I feel it.

So: break time.

F*cking figure it out, Blizzard. The grown up may be doing something else with her time and money.

now you see me…

You know that vortex that is Azeroth, the one that sucks us in, spinning, swirling, unrelenting? That one? Sure you do. Well, I have news. It operates in reverse, too. Somehow I found the switch the operates the machinery to spin clockwise, like some Southern hemisphere toilet. Oh, Coriolis. You spin me ’round ’round baby ’round round….

Anyway, when I do pop into Azeroth I feel like I’m looking down a well, sans Baby Jessica. TOO SOON MATTY! But one fiery chica still entertains me, and that is Ceniza. Between the glyph and some potions, Ceniza just knocks ’em back like tequila shots on Spring Break, and comes up with some surprising looks:

ceniza 6 ceniza 7Ceniza 3ceniza 4

This is her current mog look: gritty, dark, and suits her combustible nature...
This is her current mog look: gritty, dark, and suits her combustible nature…

So I don’t blame anyone for not checking in with Sugar & Blood: this July isn’t quite turning out like I thought it would. Nothing bad, just — topsy? Turvey? And you know – the other day I thought, why not take Pessah the little priest in a dungeon, just for fun? It’s been a long time…and I got kicked after one trash pull. And you know? I thought I am just too old for this shit. And feeling like that —better go see a doctor, all I can say.

ggggghhhhoooooosssst!

Scooby-gang-1969

I learned a new phrase yesterday: ghosting. I know it’s not new – ya’ll have been bandying this around forever, but it’s new to me. And the minute I heard it, immediately all the times I’ve been ghosted or have ghosted sprung to mind.

Promise, I’m not trying to ghost anyone. I am taking a class, and started to exercise again, and only popping in Draenor to get my reps so I could fly. Look! IT HAPPENED TONIGHT!

turtle

I can fly! I can fly!
I can fly! I can fly!

Wait, what? No? Not until some other patch on top of this patch?

screaming ghost

Blizzard, if you wonder why I don’t call or text…

POOF

Je ne parle pas Jewel Crafting…

imp master vale
Imp Master DJ Vale and the Feltones

Look, I’m sorry, okay? I have squandered the most precious of resources – my Azerothian friends and their good will. My writing talents lie fallow (lay fallow?) and I am just not in ‘the know’ anymore. (Thank goodness Tome is!) Am I having fun derping around the jungle? Well, sure. There are some quick and fun goodies that pull me in and out fast and easy. Trinkets to change looks, get to rares quickly, apexes crystals raining down loot upgrades like nobody’s business.

But there’s that one thing.

The fact that my main JC recipe lies in a mythic dungeon, Skyreach, something I can only pug and then something always goes f*cking wrong. This last time:

removed

I joined a group, the main tank said something in French, I wrote this, tabbed out to look at a map, and when I returned five seconds later I had been removed, and when I looked for the group again in the pre-mades, they were gone. So maybe it wasn’t because I couldn’t speak French, or maybe they decided to go with another healer, who the F*CK KNOWS. All I know is my recipe for the +75 haste gem is sitting in a place that has been obstructed to me.

Blizzard: DAFUQ. Please– PLEASE — do not put recipes in places where the average grown-up player with a life, job, and other shit to do can’t go!

Sigh.

warlock skin

I have yet to get a ghostly hat, or some of the other fun things. I don’t understand the elite pets strewn around, they just laugh at my poor pet battling skills.

Maybe it’s time I shift my focus to some anthropological or historical work around Azeroth. This letter is an example of a ‘primary source document.’ something near and dear to humanities scholars.

Every NPC has a story to tell..
Every NPC has a story to tell..

Primary sources include original texts/documents or artifacts. I admit, one dream job of mine would be to write quest logs and these little gems around Azeroth/Draenor. Maybe I’ll reinstall My Role Play and mix things up a bit.

You know, something to do while I’m waiting for a Mythic pug.

Training videos.

I had all kinds of good intentions when it came to my next post: talk about love of shipyards (I have no idea why), talk about my approval of time-walking dungeons (though most groups have really sucked, and have some idea why), and how I am digging the lime-green effulgence of Draenor. I have tried to run a few mythic dungeons with pugs, and those have been an abject failure, but I’ll be able to go with Breige’s group on Friday.  I need to watch training videos about the new raids, but alas, i am watching new New Zealand fathers creatively hold a baby. My personal favorites are the double-Jesus and Stinky Nappy for You.

In any case, Stinky Nappy for Me or Stinky Nappy for You, it’s summertime, baby, and time to chill! Nothing about Azeroth, or the real world, should be taken seriously. Think I’ll go have another popsicle…

"Squirrel Nuts Stirring Up Drama"

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