I made a new friend today in Azeroth. She’s a Draenei hunter named Taea, and she cracked me UP!
All she had to say was “I heard that in Mel Gibson’s voice…” and that was it.
Every player…every NPC…imagine it…every last one…talking in a Mel Gibson character voice.
Think of this…
King Varian…
Arthas…
JAINA!
IT WOULD MAKE HIS CAREER LIVE AGAIN!
Now, I’m thinking my friend Tome would get behind this idea. A whole Azeroth of Mel, pre-crazy Mel, and maybe Garrosh could be played by post-crazy Mel. Think of the possibilities!
Well, while I muse on this for a bit, I bet whenever I get around to calling upon the Old Ladies Raiding Guild to start kicking some ass, September 1 or not September 1, Taena would join us.
“A very long time. It was a great success, but even great successes come to a natural end.”
― Isaac Asimov, Robots and Empire
Well, I’m not sure if the Azerothian Empire is truly coming to an end. Heck, even Ancient Rome had a shelf life of ‘only’ 500-600 years (trying to do my Before Common Era and Common Era math: give me some good ol’ Anno Domini any day). No, I’m not leaving Azeroth. Not yet anyway. It’s too easy for me to have accounts and alts. But I do hope they pay attention, and quick being such dicks. Such little Caesars about the whole matter. If someone like Tome is canceling her subscription, gentlemen (and it is mostly “gentlemen”) take heed. You’ve exceeded our goodwill limit, and we’ll get all Visigoth and Gaulish on your asses and topple your civilization.
Asterix, Dogmatix, and Obelix…my heroes!
But just when I think there are no new worlds to conquer, I looked in Zep’s bags and found an old pair of Belbi’s Eyesight Enhancing Romance Goggles. I seriously have no idea why I have never tried them on before. Everyone knew this but me, but it turned everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, into a gnome:
Okay, Chris, I hope that leather strap isn’t chafing your…or your…oh my.
Et tu, Oscar?
What I don’t understand, and maybe I never will, is why the really fun things in Azeroth are temporary, and the shitty grinds, no flying, and falling apart raid teams and mean pick-up groups seem to rule the day? I’m just gonna sit over here with my goggles on and look at all the sexy gnomes.
PS I am a bit concerned about Ceniza. She drank some potion not too long ago and, well, frankly she thinks she looks better as a male;
Kimzee, shush! If Blizzard hears you they’ll take something else away that’s fun!
Thanks to those who took time to put together these incredibly well thought-out survival kits mogs: I swear Kam put together one too but I’ll be darned if I can find the e-mail. As far as winners go, you’re all winners, but prizes have to wait for payday. Just the way it is. If I can survive till payday, so can you. So wait if I’m recycling day-old coffee and looking in the couch cushions for spare change? As long as I can keep the Internet bill paid I’m good to go.
My note: the use of moist towlette is especially endearing!~
Helm of Lupine Cunning, because if she crouches she looks like a ferocious beast, and because she skinned the wolf herself.
Stonecloth everything except cloak, because stone and cloth must make a more resilient fiber. Del doesn’t have the strength to wear anything heavier.
Antiseptic Soaked Dressing underneath, just in case (do the undead need antiseptic?)
Ranger Cloak is her tent, blends in with the grass so she can hide and sleep during the day.
Hardened Stone Shard because knives are needed, and stone was plentiful.
Khadgar’s Knapsack. I suppose he is dead by now, powerful as he may be, and doesn’t need it. I stashed stuff inside! Murky Water, Moist Towelette, Rock Hard Biscuit, EZ-Thro Dynamite, Reinforced Fishing Line and Tough Jerky.
She kept a couple trinkets. Evonice’s Landing Pilla to lay on under her tent, and Dog Whistle to call a hound to help out.
I sent a bonus screenie because, name and title that snuck into the screen were hilarious!
So I asked my characters who would be interested in competing inMatty’s End of the World Contest. Cat’s found a renewed interest in getting her pets leveled before Warlords so she’s out. Cim showed interest but Sasche yelled, pick me, pick me! I’ve already done it before!
Done what Sas? Survived the end of the world … as I knew it anyway. Who better than an Undead to fight a possible Zombie Apocalypse!
Wow, I don’t think I’ve heard her talk that much in the whole time I’ve known her. Okay Sasche! Show us what you’ve got!
These were a no-brainer, anything that’s going to increase my strikes has got to be good for mowing through whatever dire foes abound in this apocalypse.
These can double as a swimsuit so on land or sea I’ll be able to swiftly escape without having to worry about a skirt getting tangled in my knee bones.
The Goblin who sold these to me assured me that they’d increase my speed by 20%. Perfect for those times when staying and fighting is not the best option.
I really will need a slashy, slashy sword to well … slash my way through hordes of, I don’t know, whatever. And a glowy one? That just makes it so much better.
Lastly, but probably the most important. When we prevail and start rebuilding what are we going to need? Yep, bureaucrats.
As for my pet, what’s most likely to survive the end of the world but roaches! What? Yeah … okay … and the bureaucrats but I don’t have a pet one. I’m bringing along my Resilient Roach to the end of the world.
You probably get the equivalent of the blog post this would have been in your email. But hope it’s fun. It’s a fun contest idea, though required more thought than my usual. Originally I thought of doing a hunter mog, then was planning on doing Rimandrys as he’d handle the end of the world, bits of his current mog cobbled together with other things. When the contest is over that might yet rate a post. When it came down to making the mog though you get Saelindir’s ‘I’m totally a warlock or a druid or something much scarier than a priest’ End of the World Mog.
This is all stuff he could even equip at his current level, though I won’t pretend to vouch for how easy it would be to get his hands on some of it.
Head: Exorcist’s Dreadweave Hood (This serves the warlock or druid illusion, but is also practical for helping keep rain and stuff off at least a little bit.)
Shoulders: Geomancer’s Spaulders (No real practical reason, but even if it’s the end of the world you need a little bit of style and flair. Especially if you’re a blood elf.)
Chest: Witch Doctor’s Beads (These add to the intimidating illusion of something dangerous and maybe a little primitive, also have straps that things could be attached to and won’t weigh him down on spontaneous fishing trips. Also suits his personal taste. Some questing might be in order to pick them up for real.)
Wrists: Don’t show
Hands: Fireheart Gloves (Simple, practical gloves, useful for protecting the hands when you are scavenging through things or picking thorny plants.)
Waist: Cord of Reconstruction (It’s a plain belt, won’t get in the way and the name has sort of a hopeful ring to it.)
Legs: Aboriginal Loincloth (Well, won’t cause any problems when swimming, easy enough to dry and take care of and again suits his personal style)
Feet: Oilfoot Slippers (See that earlier comment about style and flair. Saelindir is of the opinion that one of the things you need to survive absolutely anything is a killer pair of boots. Plus he can take them off for swimming and will have removed about half his clothes just by doing that.)
Back: Cloak of Blade Turning (In case it gets cold. And because at night you’d want a blanket and one you can wear is easier to carry around.)
Staff: Staff of the Shadow Flame (This staff is chosen entirely because it looks intimidating and not priestly and if he runs into any dangerous folks during the apocalypse he’d rather they thought he was something scarier than a priest.)
Trusty Pet: Thistle the Mana Wyrmling (Because Mana Wyrms seem to be absolutely genius at sniffing out sources of arcane power, and you never know when you might need to find some. Especially if you’re a blood elf. Besides… it’s adorable in its own special way.)
I can’t help imagining these outfits being worn around some place like the Outlands version of Shadowmoon Valley. If anything in WoW looks like the end of the world, that’s it to me.
When we all build our bomb shelters garrisons I know who I’m going to call! Thanks ladies – you are da bomb! (shelter)
Today’s Random Tuesday Morning Thought is brought to you by the letter P and the feeling of O, as in, “Oh, I am really anxious about this.”
Mrs. Potts IS Angela Lansbury!
“Personification” is one of my favorite figurative language terms. So simple in definition, yet provides so much richness to our imaginations. Whenever illustrating personification one of the most accessible ways is to think about the characters in Disney’s ‘Beauty and the Beast.’ Each tea pot and candlestick has its own personality, every feather duster and door knob. It’s magical.
Even Carmen from Art of Carmen puts her own spin on Azerothian characters. They tend to be salaciously sexualized and entertainingly sinful: note the little “devil’s tail” in the smile of the Draenei below:
My dear friend Plaid Elf much more kindly pointed out some of her disappointment, too.
We were all so excited, but what we got was Low Budget Beasts. Scratch that. Low Budget Beasts have character and grit, even if ofttimes poorly executed cosplay. At least they try!
When many of us saw the ‘sketchbook’ if you will of our new characters we were delighted. All except me, who immediately saw the dead-eyes, too narrow of jaw, and sexless, plastic lips– to me, the new Draenei female models look like they’ve been on a three-day bender of Botox and Velen sold their souls to Illidan. Am I that unhappy? Yes. When I showed the Beta model of the female Dwarf, with richness and vibrance to the art, that is what I was pointing to, what I wanted. I feel that this is somehow Blizzard’s passive-aggressive means to take two of the most beautiful female races (Draenei and Night Elf) in Azeroth, and instead of making ALL races rich, vibrant and…looking for a word here...they did what they always do: break the good in an effort to level some imaginary playing field. Now – I’m going to try to say this next thing as carefully as I can, but I’ll probably get misunderstood: Tauren, Troll, and Dwarf females were often thought of as not the “beautiful” races. First, I disagree. Big time. But Blizzard did give them a richness and nuances that served to enhance their natural beauty. (We haven’t seen Troll yet, but I am betting the farm they are ‘new and improved: even the Forsaken has left us feeling forsaken.) Careful framing, shading, and line work that only added to their beauty. I wish the good and talented artists at Blizzard would take a step back and go study the artists of Disney,Hayao Miyazaki, and Pixar. Heck, even Tim Burton would add some grit. Let him redesign the Forsaken! And second, shame on Blizzard if that is their plan, to somehow make the “pretty” girls “ugly” as a way of compensating for something that didn’t need to be paid.
Now maybe I can get the word to Blizzard. I know they keep saying it’s just the Beta, and not providing me any mental relief as far as what the future holds for my Draenei and Night Elf clan. I will say I’ve been delighted with the addition of a Dwarf shaman named Mollei. Remember Mollie MacBallbuster? She is all kinds of delightful. Sometimes I have error speech on, and when she says in her little Scottish accent, “I’m oot of mann-ah!” I crack up, as her braids twirl with every spell. At least I can count on her to stay beautiful, inside and out.
Sugar&Blood 
