Darkshire Gentrification Society

darkshire coun

Being a newshound, I couldn’t help but notice some concerning details with the new Hearthstone packs: namely, a whole lot of political forces came crawling out of the wormwood from Darkshire, and the main town of Duskwood.

Now we all know and love Duskwood, Darkshire: the townsfolk are full of mystery, and never seem to tire of searching for lost necklaces, stargazing, and talking about ghosts and ale with the seductive tavern mistresses at the Scarlet Raven Tavern.

But something…something is spooky about this. There’s talk of xenophobic mishandlings of the Goblin Insurrection of ’07, not to mention that rumors are flying that the Scarlet Raven has been bought by an off-shore contingency with a Dalaran address. Some say the new councilor plans on building a wall around the town and making Westfall pay for it. And don’t forget the underground sewer movement of millennial mages wanting free tuition at the Lady Jane School of Magic. Climate and pollution protesters have been marching incessantly at the Booty Bay fishing tourneys, too, charging the Big Fel Companies with fracking poisons. (Activists discovered an assortment of fel-debris choking the reefs. That Legion rain comes at a cost!) Some warlock from the Slaughtered Lamb also touts her political savvy and “turn” –no one is quite sure what she’s talking about but she seems to be very assured that she is next in line for something and has sent her minions to post flyers around the town obstructing others from reading public postings. (Ravenholdt Manor hasn’t made an official statement, but underground reports of Stormwind financing seem to hold water.) An older paladin with white hair and a gravelly voice speaks nothing but truth and his warriors continue to zealously fight for the light. They will never yield to the questionable antics of warlocks, and have made it clear.  Meanwhile, a demonic imp holds tomes high in the air but covers the runes so the good citizens of Azeroth can’t read it, but many say he is in cahoots with Sargarean forces. Spokespeople from the Sargarean Cults confirm, however, he was denied membership. He was, in their words, “a miserable son of a bitch.”

Meanwhile, Darkshire’s public buildings continue to have large DURUMPF signs raised to the top of the towers while lower-income dwellings have been razed to rubble. Abercrombie’s makeshift hidey-hole tower is gone, as is Madame Eva’s shack. In their places are a Wholeylight Food market and Starkbacks. Suspicious.

Be on the lookout, good citizens of Azeroth: watch for creep in gold prices and angry mobs. Things are getting a little too interesting for this Draenei. Time to get back on the ship and fly north.

After all these years…

So. Um. So. *Digs big hoof in the dirt, pretending not to hear…* I have been playing WoW for a fairly long time. And yet, in so many ways I am still such a noob. Call it imposter syndrome, call it fate, call it what you will, but to this day I can still get kicked from a group because I can’t jump in the VELEN-DAMNED WALING CAVERNS ENTRANCE.Blackfathom Deeps (Sigh: Can’t even get the name right!)

A few weeks back, there was a Hearthstone deal: level a character to 20 and the reward is a new heroine, Lady Liadrin. Her hammer burns with Holy Fire, ya know, (and as CD Rogue said, she should see a doctor about that…). She is very serious about that paladin thing. So, because I fail at most things now, why not pick a character for redemptive qualities, another warlock? And of all the new character models, warlocks are the best.



Bexxa, the Troll Warlock, even with her big three-toed feet couldn’t coordinate her space bar timed properly with forward motion. Yes, I was removed from a level 20-ish dungeon because I couldn’t jump over rocks. They were clearing everything fine without me, so instead of waiting for my ill-coordinated goofiness to jump, I got all the more nervous, kept failing, and they summarily kicked me out.

To them, it was this important:

real world math

And as far as that Hearthstone thing, it’s become an unhealthy addiction. I hate myself for playing it, and how bad I am after all this time. Now, you should know something else: I NEVER, and I mean NEVER win at the Hearthstone Arenas. No, I don’t read strategies. I’d rather bitch about it.

Here’s what I have learned:

  • Never, ever leave a shaman with minions late in the match. He/she will use their bloodlust card and cream you. Do everything you can to take those minions OUT.
  • ALWAYS HIT SQUELCH. You don’t need a player named “RubbingMyNips” to tell you “Well played” at the point in the match when he/she has obliterated your character. It will put you in a murderous rage.

Anything else? Nope, not much. It’s a perfect game for the process-addicted such as myself. I long for the day when pet battles are made for phones/tablets. I never log in and say to myself, “Gee, I’d really like to see pets die in game,” but I would if it was on my tablet and I could play during lunch breaks, etc. I have no real raiding life anymore, and once in a while will mess around with mogging:

zep april


So that’s about it for now. I’m trying to stay calm during this election cycle. It is truly…crazy. I have long-time friends telling me how wrong I am, (don’t ask), and honestly have just been burying my noggin in books and getting my tail handed to me at Hearthstone.

Yes, sometimes I am an introvert.

This is epic: