Death by houseplants.

in my own dojo
Carry on, Sergeant.

The story you’re about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Mataoka wandered around the grounds of her own estate–a magnificent, palatial estate. From her humble beginnings, however, she felt uncomfortable as ‘lady of the manor,’ with awkward and sheepish interactions with the grounds staff and security, sensing a small amount of paranoia. She had yet to take full command of her troops, as her title and rank suggested.

While picking flowers in the herb garden, the gardeners standing aside, rooted in place, a small monster leapt out from the dirt, biting, scratching, gnawing: it overcame her best abilities and killed her! It half-covered her body in peat moss and potting soil; as she ran back from the grave, furious, embarrassed, and seeking vengeance over a house plant, she arrived back at the scene of the crime to find one of the footmen rousted from the drinking hall dispatching the plant. Where was this trooper when the plant was making Mataoka allergic…allergic to living? For Velen’s sake–sitting in a Rylak Claw shop on her hind-quartermasters?

Mataoka saw it all clearly. Not only would she need a bodyguard to pick flowers, but would have to take full command and be the leader they all expected her to be. This was nothing to sneeze at, and it smelled like elekk fertilizer.

Or be killed by flowers.

Theme song:

Weeds for Roses

12 thoughts on “Death by houseplants.”

  1. Poor Mataoka! What a thing to have happen when you’re just trying to have a nice stroll in the garden and pick a few flowers. Those things have teeth! Tai’s garrison is a bit more helpful it seems. When those things pop up the wolves run to help whether he needs it or not.

    1. Apparently my spirit wolves must have been in the same doughnut shop as the soldiers – those things are worse than security at the White House!

  2. LOL, I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t laugh but I could just imagine it. The only thing I don’t like about those podlings is when your follower attacks it before you’ve had a chance to. I used to pick as many herbs as I could before I attcked them but after losing the loot I hope

  3. Those stupid little podlings are like a high level equivalent of murlocs. And where were those lazy troops when their Commander needed them! Every time one of those NPCs says Commander I look around for the Commander. Oh, it’s me.

    1. Then you understand! Going to start taking a garrison resident with me (hate the word ‘follower’) and see if that helps. Not sure about supporting this staff — not to the manor born, so to speak.

  4. OH NO poor Mataoka! I feel bad because I enjoy killing those podlings because they drop lots of flowers! Now I shall enjoy killing them MORE to avenge my friend Mataoka!

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